There’s no secret that as we get older, our circles become smaller. And there are fewer life events in which we can be social, like being forced into school programming when we were younger. And there’s a good chance that you start to see the people you’re close to less.
We get sucked into our routines, and our hobbies, and often we don’t want to deviate from our scheduled program. This can become increasingly frustrating, especially if you are a person who is craving a new, healthy adult friendship. We’re going to explore the struggles of making friends as an adult and discuss three ways to get connected with other people.
The Myth
It’s so great paying an adult. I really wish my 15-year-old self could see the reality of what adulthood actually looks like. Now, it’s not like you just go about your days enjoying your life, having fun, and doing all the things that you want to do, whenever you want. The only thing that causes you stress is maybe your work, but in all seriousness, adulting has been one of the more polar opposite experiences, at least in my opinion.
The question that often pops into my head is why, why can’t I get together with people? Why do I have a hard time getting together with others? And then you throw in a pandemic in. what you’re questioning becomes irrelevant, and your social interactions are leading with your pass on Zoom. I think it’s important to have conversations as to why making friends is just so difficult.
Oftentimes, we feel alone and don’t believe that others could possibly be experiencing this feeling of inadequacy. However, when just talking to people, you can see the reality of the difficulty some of us have, one of the major reasons is we don’t have that built-in opportunity to meet with people. For some of us, the days of joining school clubs or other activities are over. We are now literally thrown with needless free time and that can be overwhelming to manage, especially if you work full-time or have other obligations.
Some Data On Adult Friendships
Research shows that after the age of 25, most adult friendships start to dwindle. Some of this has to do with changing jobs, getting married, moving to another state, and just even having children. Another reason you may feel defeated when making friends is that you may just be overheating friends. This could be due to bad experiences in the past you might legitimately may feel burned out having to put yourself out there and risk the chance of getting rejected again.
So with this rationale, where do we go from here? Well, I want to start off by talking about how important friendships are Research shows that people with larger social circles have a 50% lower mortality risk than those who didn’t.
Here are three strategies to assist you with making friends as an adult.
1 Open Mindedness
It’s super imperative that we are open-minded when it comes to meeting new people and wanting that long-lasting relationship. Oftentimes, this means we have to get out of our comfort zone and try new activities or deviate from our daily routine.
On the flip side, if you’re on the other end of the receiving line, and someone is inviting you somewhere, accept the invitation. accepting invitations is a great way to open the door for a new friendship and will make you feel empowered especially if you’re a maybe no person when it comes to invites Ellen Hendrickson, author of How to Be Yourself quiet your inner critic and rise above social anxiety differentiates between overt and covert avoidance.
Overt avoidance means failing to show up at events and covert avoidance means failing to engage with people when you get there. We have to overcome both overt and covert avoidance to make friends. Just because you made it to the party doesn’t mean it’s over. You have to put in the work while you’re there too.
2 Nowhere To Look
Think about that list of that you have all the activities or hobbies that you ever wanted to try or do. This is a great opportunity to give those a try and meet people along the way. By taking classes virtual or in person, joining meetup groups, getting together with neighbors, volunteering, or even taking your pet to the local park could be a great way for you to meet people with similar interests.
The more you surround yourself with people who are like-minded, the more you will feel connected, and potentially the spark for a friendship will blossom.
3 Initiate And Maintain The Relationship
This could be the hardest part. You’ve maybe gotten together a few times with people and then you don’t hear from them again. It’s so important that we make attempts to stay connected with other people. Whether that’s shooting them a text or email and letting them know you’re thinking about them.
I’m guilty of this myself because, in the midst of busy schedules, it’s easy to just disconnect. However, I’m here to challenge myself and you to make more efforts to stay connected. Think about a time when you were on the receiving end of a text or email including you in something or them just saying Hi.
We hold a lot of power in our ability to communicate with others. Give it a try and put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Additionally, get together with people and take the initiative to create a zoom, Why not with a few people in your circle?
I really hope that the strategies and tools we discussed can be incorporated into your everyday life and are ready for use as needed. When writing this post, I realized even though we are all unique, it’s so great to learn from each other and gain different perspectives. I hope my perspective today was helpful and if you feel comfortable, please leave a comment below talking about your friendship journeys.
